i know,
better to have then not doing anything.



but was it even my choice the first place?
i've been lying to myself isn't it.

passion? what bullshit?
especially in this place i am in, the disrespect and being said dirty.

the scoldings, the unreasonable mishaps.
the stress, the barbarians, the tortue, mentally and physically.

taking care of others, who's going to take care of me?
i can't even handle it myself. how can i take care of others?


yet i have to, because its my scope.
i have so many lives with me.
everything is black and white. law and order.


orders and orders.
why must i clean all the nonsense?
why am i the middle person?
i can't even communicate well among myself, how can i do so with others?
+especially so when i think i am not suppose to and its nt worth it.

yes, I THINK.
this is the only thing that's still me. my thoughts are overwhelming


yet i feel so empty.


i don't know how long i can take it.
i've been through the pass 3 years of juggling haven't it?
how long do need to continue?


i really don't want anymore.

where's my support?
i really don't know.
i really wanna just go, leave everything?

yet i still tell myself to not give up, not tos how how weak i am.
yet i am just behaving like a clown.
doing extra work, when everyone's else is done.

chasing me away; but i've not complete!



its been so long already.....am i expecting too much?



even when i reach the place where i can rest,
i can feel another stress.

everyone is in pain.




including me. and it hurts so badly.
it really is.




i'm just so sad.
but who i can say? what can i do? where can i hide? how long will it last? when can it stop.



please help me. i really don't know anymore.
i'm just counting down. and i really hate time that pass like snail.
and each second is a tortue.



stabbing pain score 10.
i try to make it numb. but i can't.






jingjugglingjing.